woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
