I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize