3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
