just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
