What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
