Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
