I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
