It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize