Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
