I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
