I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
