it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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