i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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