I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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