That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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