You just made me feel so damn special
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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