you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
