If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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