i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
