and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
