I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
