I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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