RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
