JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
