Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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