I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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