I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
