I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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