grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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