you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
