4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
