JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
