evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
