Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
