I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Enjoy the penises
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
