Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
