Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
