SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
