in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
