You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
