i barfeds in our rink
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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