how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
