if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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