if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
