he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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