It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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