remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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