I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
