every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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