He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
