Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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