It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize