the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
