I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
