I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
