I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
