I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize