Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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