Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Panties = found
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