I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize