matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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