i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
