There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize